Lifemates

In many parts of Australia May heralds the prelude to a season when nature slows down. Whilst it may not be possible to ‘slow down’ in this season of our lives, we can actively guard our time. We can treasure those moments we do have together and not speed through them. These could be as simple as a lingering kiss at the start of a day, a warm embrace at the end of the day, an unrushed cup of coffee together. or sitting close and watching the sun set together. The following quotes are from a book “Your Time-Starved Marriage: How to Stay Connected at the Speed of Life” written by Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott:

– “‘The reason most goals are not achieved is that we spend our time doing second things first,’ said business author Robert J. McKain. And he’s exactly right. We may say that our marriage comes first, but that doesn’t matter if we devote our time to what’s lower on our list. Saying it’s a priority and making it a priority are two different things.”

– “We think much more about the use of our money, which is renewable, than we do about the use of our time, which is irreplaceable” (Stephan Rechtschaffen).

The moments you miss together are irreplaceable, gone forever.


TIPS

“Fun time together” is an “insurance policy against the fading of passion and intimacy”. ~ Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott

Challenge each other to a daily contest to see who can find the funniest joke/picture/story/event to share at the end of the day. These should never be seen as disrespectful or hurtful.


THOUGHT

No’Buts’
“When you say, “I’m sorry,” do you use the word ‘but”? If so, then you’re not apologizing. You are blaming. You are creating resentment inside your spouse. They have a hard time forgiving you because in their mind you are not apologizing. In the future, try eliminating the ‘buts’.”  ~ Dr Gary Chapman

Let go of all unforgiveness.


THOUGHT FOR PARENTS

“There are no guarantees that we will see our children grow up so seize the opportunity to spend time with them now.” ~ Dr Bruce Robinson

“‘Keep your eyes on the prize.’ Your marriage is ‘the prize.’ Don’t let anything (even career or hobbies) take over 1st place. After the honeymoon, keep doing what you did to court before you got married. It’s been said, ‘Spoil your spouse…not your children.’ Your children are watching. They’ll love you for it. ‘Leave a legacy. A healthy marriage teaches children important lessons about their own relationships.'”  ~ Judge James Sheridan


QUOTES

“We live by encouragement and die without it – slowly, sadly, and angrily.”  ~  Celeste Holm

“Besides the noble art of getting things done, there is the noble art of leaving things undone. The wisdom of life consists in the elimination of non-essentials.”  ~ Lin Yutang

“My time is as much mine as my money. If I don’t let everybody else spend my money, I’m not going to let them spend my time.”  ~  Fred Smith

“And what if you were told: One more hour?”  ~  Elia Canetti


SAFETY IN MARRIAGE

“There are two words that contribute a great amount toward safety in marriage. If spouses engage one another from the postures that these words represent, there is a strong likelihood the marriage will move in a direction that feels good. The two words are SOFT and SLOW. Slowing down and softening your tone of voice, your words, your body language and expressions, your pace, your heart, etc. can have dramatic effects. Try it on for size the next time you interact with your spouse and see what happens over time.” (From the National Institute of Marriage)

“Have you seen or heard from an old flame recently? Been tempted to search the Internet for an old flicker? Do you still have a box of letters or memorabilia from relationships of long ago? There’s only enough room in marriage for two. The best thing to do with an old flame that suddenly reappears is to put it out. And if your spouse struggles with jealousy, the best way to cast out fear is to cut off every ounce of oxygen from your mate’s insecurities, until he or she feels totally safe in your love. Leave nothing behind to feed the fears or fan the flames of an extramarital affair.” (Moments With You by Dennis and Barbara Rainey)

“Many people convince themselves that as long as there’s no sex, it’s not an affair. But it is. An affair really has to do with secrecy, deception of the partner and betrayal. It also has to do with the amount of emotional energy that you put into the other person and are no longer giving your partner.” (Dr. Gail Saltz)


PARENTING

“Living life in the slow lane is not about opting out of society. It’s about finding contentment in a modest life through relationship and valuing what we have, rather than longing for what we do not have. One of the greatest things we can value is our relationships with our family.
The one thing I wish I had more of is not money, but time. Money cannot buy time, but if we stop chasing money so hard, then perhaps we’ll find that time that we all so desperately desire.
Life in the slow lane means that you actually have time to enjoy the journey, and that when you get to the destination, you’ll do so with those you love by your side.”  ~ Ben Pratt in ‘Dads4Kids’

A Book – “Hurt” by Chap Clark – “Hurt 2.0” is the updated version. The basic premise of the book is that parents have been too busy for their children, which has resulted in a whole generation of young people battling loneliness. These young people say they want to hear from adults, but adults are not speaking into their lives.


LAUGHTER

WHAT HAPPENED TO LAUGHTER?
Between political correctness and general busyness people tend to laugh less these days.
Somewhere in the ‘growing up’ years we seem to lose our capacity to laugh spontaneously. It is estimated that children laugh over 300 times a day compared to around 20 for adults. Children see the funny side of just about anything and laugh at things adults regard as “silly”. Maybe it is the children who have got it right and it is the adults who are being silly by not laughing more.  ~ “Dr Joe”

‘Little Susie, a six-year-old, complained, “Mother, I’ve got a stomach ache.” “That’s because your stomach is empty,” the mother replied. “You would feel better if you had something in it.” That afternoon, her father came complaining that he had a severe headache all day. Susie perked up, “That’s because it’s empty,” she said. “You’d feel better if you had something in it.”‘

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