Lifemates Blog

Many Australians will be observing Father's Day on the first Sunday in September. It is an opportunity for people to show their appreciation for and to honour fathers and father figures. Father figures may include stepfathers, fathers-in-law, guardians (eg. foster parents), and family friends. Why not make it a mini celebration and fun. During the pandemic, many couples may have been experiencing new and unexplored sides of their spouse and marriage as they navigated the many layers of increased stressors and the unprecedented situation they lived in. The increased time together is a unique opportunity for marriage to grow and thrive through the challenges couples are encountering together. Applying Dr Gary Chapman's five love languages to daily living will help any marriage and family to thrive during the many challenges of staying at home during the pandemic. There will inevitably be times of conflict. Lily Sloane, a licensed marriage and family therapist says: "If we understand where our partners are coming from, it’s easier to muster compassion for them in moments of conflict, rather than feeling defensive or adversarial. Relationship this way — as a partnership between two broken people whose individual fears and insecurities [...]

"Show us a marriage that is faltering, and we'll show you a marriage where the fun is gone. And where the fun is gone, there is a good chance they don't date their mate! Dating is something they did before they got married. It's not in their marriage vocabulary today." (Drs David and Jan Stoop).Just because the normal practice for many is to equate 'dating' with going out to a restaurant , show etc does not mean that 'dating' has to be put on hold for now. Why not bring out those board games and challenge each other (or the family, if they are at home) to a game, or gaze at the stars together, or dream big, exciting dreams together, or share funny stories.... and have more regular 'dates' having fun with your spouse.SOME MORE IDEAS TO INSPIRE ROMANCE & FUN Go on a Youtube laugh tour.Have an indoor picnic when you are alone and it's dark outside; soften the lights.Look into your spouse's eyes with love, and smile.Call your spouse during the day and tell them something you love about them(even if they are just in another room in the home).Turn off the lights and [...]

The following is part of a research article in 'Emerging Minds' on the effects of drought on families, but it can equally apply to families affected by other disasters like fires. "There can be great variability in the impact of drought on relationships. Families may be the first line of defence against the hardship of drought, but can also be the site that takes the force of the blow. Despite this, numerous Australian reports of stronger friendships, marriages, and ties to community have emerged from families in drought, showing that it is also a time when friends, families, and communities cope as a collective." Spending that time in building a strong marriage with open communication between all family members is very important. Other friendships that strengthen your marriage are also important. Grief Although grief is unique to each individual, there are similarities in our journey. William Worden’s grief model describes four stages. These are: Firstly accepting that a loss has taken place. Secondly, we have to work through a myriad of emotions. These can include shock, numbness, anger, sadness, feeling overwhelmed, guilt, depression, hopelessness, confusion, loneliness and so much more. Thirdly, we have to adjust [...]